I. Can’t. Even.

This title, y’all!!—my exact thoughts as I walked out of school the Friday of our first full week of this school year. I was exhausted. I was irritated (at myself mostly), and I was way more frustrated than I thought a 28-year veteran teacher should be. I don’t plan on using this blog to vent about my current mission field because I consider myself beyond blessed that God allows me to live in this crazy world of high school education every day. It’s more than a blessing, and I love my students so much it literally hurts my heart.

With all that being said, the week had been hard…that’s the only way I can describe it, just hard. I was mentally exhausted and emotionally drained. I was walking to the parking lot with my own two kiddos beside me, each with much to tell me about their day. I wanted to be excited for the good things they were sharing with me, but all I could think about was how I had not lived up to my goals for myself, not been patient enough with my students (some less so than others, for sure) and how I was going to let down my own family by working the entire weekend just to be able to swim with my head above water during the week ahead.

All of this was still on my mind as I headed to church today, On top of that, I was adding to the conversation that I was failing my church in a dozen or more ways. Fast forward to our message for today from Acts 13, be filled with the Holy Spirit, and let Him lead your life. Continuously pray and listen to His guidance, and STOP making decisions on my own then praying for God to bless those decisions.

The Holy Spirit brings life, peace and joy! I’m so thankful for the whispered reminder from the Holy Spirit this morning. I am often reminded I am not enough (by simply looking back at my own actions), but I am following the One who is MORE than enough. So, as I begin another week trying to reach the hearts, minds and souls of the young people I am allowed to journey with daily, I am humming the tune of a Southen Gospel favorite, “ Lord, I can’t even walk without you holding my hand . The mountains’s too high, and the valley’s too wide. Down on my knees, I learned to stand, and I can’t even walk without you holding my hand.”

I. Can’t. Even…. But God!